the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
