and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
