"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
