dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
