k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
