I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
