Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
