I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
