i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
