New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
