Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
