i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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