first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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