tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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