I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
