I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
