So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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