Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
