I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
