you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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