is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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