Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
