just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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