I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
