You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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