Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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