I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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