My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
