New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
