I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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