your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
