Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
