And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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