Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
