I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
