I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
