We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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