I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
