VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
