they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
