Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
