Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
