dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
