a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
