I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
