All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's official drugs can't kill me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
