i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
