my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
