Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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