and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
