I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
