i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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