Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
