Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
