Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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